I’m still “re-entering” after our most recent Together Called weekend with The Sparrow Fund.  It’s the seventh year we’ve had the privilege of serving adoptive and foster couples at this spectacular marriage retreat event.  Each year always carries special memories, but I think 2019 has been my favorite to date.  We experienced such deep conversation and intimate connection with so many couples … couples who are in the trenches of this adoptive and foster parenting gig and really identify with the daily life struggles of parenting children from hard places.

Because as beautiful as adoption is, it’s also born from such significant loss.

Trauma is always a result of that loss.

And parenting kiddos from hard places is just plain hard some days … or some seasons even … like rock-the-foundation-of-a-marriage hard.  And that’s why spending a weekend with 214 other adoptive and foster parents who continuously walk the same road is so very refreshing and life-giving.  Linking arm-in-arm as we worship, learn, laugh, cry, reflect on our marriages and families, and share private struggles in the safety of this community is so very necessary.  In fact, I don’t know how adoptive and foster parents walk their journeys without a tribe of kindred spirits who can confide in confidence with one another.

During our time away, we listened to several very gifted speakers who spoke truth into our hearts and helped us remember our roles as married couples and parents.  It was an incredibly reflective weekend for me, personally.  I was reminded over again how marriage is a place of sacrifice, submission, and service, and that we submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21).  It’s so easy to get caught up in the daily grind of life and forget these perfect truths that are the foundation of our Christian marriages.  We’re a team, a covenant partnership, in this crazy beautiful journey together.

Being adoptive parents has not only taught us to be intentional in our parenting, but also intentional in putting our married relationship above our children, and God above all of that.  Because otherwise, it’s easy to let the demands and responsibilities of life, in addition to walking alongside our kiddos in their own painful journeys, take precedence.  Hearing reminders of why we started this journey and what it means to walk it together in Christ is always so valuable because this road can sometimes be lonely.

Likewise, the reminder that “we can’t be collaborative and controlling at the same time” feels like maybe it should be word art for my wall.  Can you relate??  So, so important.  Because really, we’re not in control at all.  Control is an illusion.  I continue to fight against my innate nature to control, both in marriage and parenting.  But thankfully, the Father relentlessly walks alongside me as I figure that out.  Slowly.  Especially as I parent my children, I find myself needing to fight against the need for control.  Daily.  Why is that so difficult??

Another profound truth came with this statement from our main speaker, Peter Greer:

“Love your children to show God how grateful you are for the gift of them.”

That was a powerful reminder, especially as I thought about the times I have taken my children for granted.  Yes, they very much know they’re loved.  But being a homeschool mama means I’m with them all the time.  It feels impossible to intentionally love them with gratefulness all the time, especially as the dishes, laundry, dinner, and math work need to get finished on top of settling arguments and tantrums.  Seriously friends, the days are often exhausting.

I am always, always, always grateful for the gift of my children, but I was reminded that there’s room to be more intentional in showing my gratefulness through love.

But you know what truth I also heard this weekend?

I. Am. Enough.  I am enough.  I am enough.  Even in my immeasurable faults and feelings of not being grateful enough, I am enough.  The Father loves me just as I am and willingly enters into my mess and feelings of not measuring up.  He offers all of the immeasurable grace, mercy, forgiveness, and unconditional love that I will ever need.  Because He can do immeasurably more than all I could ask or imagine.  Because of Him, I am enough.

That is the best reminder of all.