Teaching children to develop the skill of mindfulness – to be fully present and pay attention to their body, mind, feelings, external circumstances, and other people – is a huge part of helping them maintain access to the rational, thinking part of their brains.  Not only does mindfulness empower children to regulate their emotional responses, it also empowers them to have a calm presence, creatively problem solve, and remain flexible in their responses.  These can be difficult skills for neuro-typical kids to grasp, but they are extra difficult for those who are vulnerable or have experienced developmental trauma.

Developing emotional regulation is a huge plus, but there are lots of other documented positive outcomes when kids practice mindfulness.  Dianne Maroney lists these benefits in her book, The Imagine Project:

• Self-acceptance
• Compassion for themselves and others
• Strengthened resilience
• Better focus and concentration at school and at home
• Increased happiness & joy
• Increased self-esteem
• Improved social skills
• Decreased anxiety, depression, and other painful emotions
• Better control of anger and hyperactivity
• Improved sleep

childhood101.com

How do we help our children?

Breathing. Many experts agree that a fantastic way to begin developing the skill of mindfulness is simply by noticing the breath or by learning a deep breathing exercise.  Having children slow down, pay attention to their bodies, and take a few breaths, can help them re-engage and bring their thinking brains back online in a moment of stress.  There are many creative ways to support deep breathing in kids, but I particularly appreciate the Take 5 breathing exercise because it’s visual and easy to teach. It can translate to just about any situation, and kids can do it without others noticing.  Likewise, there are some other awesome breathing ideas on the Coping Skills for Kids website, and the Alphabreaths book is a favorite resource in our home.

Are you running high, low, or just right? Another powerful way to help children become mindful is the How Is My Engine Running? tool, which I shared about a couple months back.  Geared toward elementary-aged kids, it can likely be adapted for older kids as well.  Using it specifically supports children to notice and pay attention to their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and reactions, and it empowers them to make a change so they don’t stay stuck.  It’s so necessary to encourage our kids to notice and recognize the triggers and situations that are particularly stressful to them, so they can come to understand when they need to use a coping strategy.  It’s especially valuable for vulnerable children or those with special needs.

Ask questions. As relationally present caregivers, we can also empower our children to become mindful by asking open-ended questions to help them recognize their stress responses.  Some ideas are:

• “What are you feeling right now?”
• “Where do you feel it in your body?”
• “What do you need right now?”
• “What is your stress level right now, 1-10?” (especially for older kids)

Likewise, we can help our children reconnect to (or remain) in the present moment by asking questions to help them use their senses to notice sensations.  For example:

• “What do you hear?  Is it loud or soft?  What does it sound like?”
• “What do you see?  What is the color?  Is it close or far away?”
• “What can you feel beneath your feet?  Is it soft, scratchy, or fluffy?

Be a detective. Also of significant importance, we parents can be attuned, emotionally present detectives for our kids.  Mindfulness is a skill that takes a long time to develop, so we can help support the process by making observations of our children’s bodies.

• Are they breathing heavy?
• Is their heart racing?
• Are their hands clenched?
• Are their pupils dilated?
• Is their jaw tightening?
• Do they appear flushed?

These are all physical stress responses that our children won’t always recognize, but we can do it for them and then lead them to use a calming strategy.  We can also teach them to do a body scan (longer version), which leads them to mindfully scan and observe their bodies for sensations or pain, one part at a time.

Notice and wonder. Another practice that parents can use to help children recognize their feelings is proactively noticing and wondering, by saying phrases like:

• “Oh, I’m noticing that your face has a frown, is your engine running low?”
• Or possibly, “Wow, I wonder if you’re feeling a little bit busy inside with all that energy, is your engine running high?”

Especially with children who’ve had hard starts, we may very well need to name the feelings for them, as they often have a difficult time figuring out what’s going on inside. By being detectives, we can use their body language and actions to gently notice how they may be feeling, so they can learn to notice and recognize it in themselves. Being mindful and noticing what’s going on in their bodies will help them learn to recognize it in themselves over time.

Practice dysregulation. One more way we can help our children learn to regulate their emotions is by purposely dysregulating them outside the moment.  I know, it sounds counterintuitive. But, hear me out.  When we intentionally create dysregulating experiences, we can then help them practice coping strategies to re-regulate.  Here’s one way to do it:

1. First, teach a few calming strategies.  I list tons of ideas in THIS POST.  No one idea is perfect, so it’s a great idea to pick a few that you think might be best for your children, and then let them make a choice between those.
2. Next, do something stimulating.  Play a game of thumb war or hand slap, dance to music, or simply run around.
3. Then, practice re-regulating with the chosen calming strategy.

Practicing like this helps our children feel what it’s like to get dysregulated or overstimulated, and then use a calming strategy to bring attention back to their bodies and control themselves.  It creates muscle memory of doing it the right way, which will eventually translate to real situations when they’ll need to be present, flexible in response, and creative in their problem solving.

Create mindfulness practice routines. There are many mindfulness apps that lead listeners through mindfulness practices, but I personally think that deep breathing is a terrific way to get started.  It’s simple, free, and can be done anywhere.  Other creative resources include:

• Little Renegades
• A Handful of Quiet
• Mindful Kids cards
• GoNoodle
• Settle Your Glitter
• 5 Minute Escapes

All of these can be done as part of a morning or evening routine, or used when a little calming is needed.

Final thoughts. As the caregivers who are empowering children to become more mindful, we must, too, be mindful of our own triggers and responses.  It’s important that we try to remain responsive, not reactive, to our children’s behaviors.  So when we are supporting children through dysregulation, we must do our best to remain emotionally present, planting our feet on the ground and breathing deeply to regulate ourselves.  And when we flip our lids (which will almost certainly happen from time to time), it’s okay to use our own calming strategies.  It’s real life, and it sets a powerful example from which to learn.