After just wrapping up a particularly challenging and full first homeschooling semester, I’m jumping into the busy Christmas season with some serious intentionality.  It’s so easy to get sucked into the “have to’s” that December inevitably ushers in for most families.  As a mom who is trying to maintain my own self-care and wellness practices, as well as lead my children well and create some semblance of normal and felt safety for them, I’m deliberately walking into this Christmas season with a few thoughts about how to thrive instead of just barely survive.  I’ve embraced a theme of simplicity over the years, which helps me to stay focused and remember the true reason we’re celebrating Christmas in the first place.

What does that look like for our family?

Give lots of grace … to myself and my family.  This time of year is so overstimulating and dysregulating for everyone, but especially for kids with special needs and hard starts.  It would be easy to suggest that we simply recognize triggers and try to minimize them as much as possible, but let’s be real … that’s not always possible.  So it’s even more important that we give lots of grace to each other and ourselves, as well as up the nurturing and connecting moments whenever we can.  That also means making sure the kids feel heard by giving them what they need to feel relaxed and comfortable at holiday events and new places.  It means not requiring them to participate or hug family members if they don’t want to, and giving them space and breaks when needed.

Maintain routines and rituals.  It’s not only paramount to maintain felt safety by sticking to normal schedules for our children, but it’s also important to include self-care rituals, which simply aren’t negotiable for me anymore.  It’s especially in these busy times when I find it to be most necessary.  The stress and busyness that often accompany this season can compromise our health if we’re not careful to make wellness a priority.  How often do we get sick when we’re the busiest?  Stress is known to weaken the immune system, so even if I can’t find the time to do everything that fills my cup, I absolutely make time for my family’s wellness essentials.

Keep gifting simple.  We don’t do a lot of gifting in our family.  We just don’t.  Our children get three gifts from us – a gold, frankincense, and myrrh gift.  We also limit gifting with other family and friends, and we don’t do Santa.  We’re not Scrooges.  It’s not that we don’t love to give and receive gifts, but it’s all just so … much.  We’ve found that cutting back and limiting the gifting helps us focus on why we’re celebrating Christmas in the first place.  Not only that, loads and loads of gifts are completely overwhelming and overstimulating for some of our children.  It’s just too much and not necessary and ends up being incredibly dysregulating.  Instead, everyone gets to focus on a few favorite gifts that they’re truly excited to receive.

Revamp our favorite family recipes.  Togetherness inevitably includes one of my favorite things … food!  But let’s face it, some of our favorite family recipes just aren’t healthy.  While I don’t shy away from a bite or two of dessert, I do think it’s important to have some nourshing options at every event.  Whole foods are so tasty and delicious, so why not share that with others?  While my go-to option is always a fresh tossed salad, I have a lot of fun re-vamping some of our favorite traditional recipes, too.

By swapping out whole foods for processed versions, there’s almost always a way to make a dish more nourishing and nutritious. It simply requires some creativity.  Recently, we’ve swapped mashed cauliflower for mashed potatoes, a savory sweet potato hash for the traditional casserole with toasted marshmallows, spaghetti squash for pasta, and zucchini lasagna instead of the traditional noodle version.  I’ve even swapped einkorn flour for most of our dessert options.  With some thoughtfulness, it’s possible to add nourishment to just about any recipe!

Einkorn Gingerbread Cookies

Stick with the most valued traditions, let the rest go.  I love traditions and rituals.  I think they help make families … well, families!  They remind us who we are and create meaningful memories.  Sometimes though, traditions just don’t work anymore.  And when that’s the case, I think it’s perfectly acceptable and right to let them go.  There are many reasons traditions may need to morph or be eliminated all together.  Even if it’s simply to lighten the burden of all that is expected during the Christmas season, I bless it.  Sometimes we just have too much on our plate and need permission to give up something.

Say no.  Along the same lines, it’s okay to say no to a party or cookie exchange or Christmas caroling or volunteer opportunity.  Yes, those events are all worthwhile and good, but too many events are just plain exhausting for me and overstimulating for some of the kids.  I think it’s reasonable to say yes to a few events, but also be realistic about not over-scheduling the calendar.  Or alternatively, it may mean going to the event but remaining flexible and leaving early if it’s simply too much. Everyone needs downtime!

Enjoy and delight in my loved ones without worrying about everything being perfect.  I’m an Enneagram 1, which makes it difficult for me to let go of perfection.  But really, it’s not important.  It’s so much more worthy and valuable to focus on the being with … not the preparations leading up to it.  We’ve been enjoying playing some “question games” (as the kids call them) at dinnertime.  Ones like How I’m Feeling, Vertellis, or Peacemakers help us create an intentional space that’s focused on connection.  During a season when it’s so easy to run from one thing to the next and just barely surviving, I love slowing down and nurturing the relationships with my family so we can truly thrive.

Merry Christmas!