I thought 6 hours was hard.  Then 6 days was tough.  And then 6 weeks.  But here we are at 6 months.  There’s something about anniversaries that makes his loss more difficult.  The sting is gone but I still miss him like crazy.  I see him in everything.  I feel the memories all over my house.  I hear the stories my kids tell about him, as they recollect what he had shared with them over the years.  I hold them as they tell the stories and miss him at bedtime.  I see him sitting next to me in the passengers seat when I’m driving past places we’ve been.  I find myself crying on long drives, reminiscing about all the talks we shared as we discussed life.  I see that darned diet coke can that says “Dad,” and dump it out every time because I can’t share a drink with him anymore.  I watch other women my age with their daddies and it reminds me of all the selfless love he poured into me and my family.  I think of him at church, remembering how he taught me to love the Father too.  I hear Amazing Grace come on the radio and change it, because I can hear him singing it to me and it’s just too much.

He was apart of everything.  He always made himself available.  He cared for everyone.  He always gave of his time and loved unconditionally.  He made people feel special and important.  He loved life and counted his blessings, even when things were hard.  He was a good, Godly man.  He still is an example for everyone.  If more people were like him, there would be a lot more good in the world.  I wish everyone could have a daddy like him.  He is the truest earthly example of our Heavenly Father’s unfailing love for us.  And the best part was that he didn’t do anything super special.  He just loved people.  So simple, really.

So today, on the 6 month anniversary of his passing, I feel sad that I’ve missed this time with him.  I feel sad that we never got to use the gift certificate we bought to use together.  I feel sad that my children will not make anymore memories with him.  I feel sad that Dumpling will never know the man who helped shape me.  But I also see the bigger picture.  I had 34 beautiful years with this special man.  That’s more than anyone could ask for.  He loved me, he taught me so many things, he showed me Jesus, he shared his heart with me, and he was my best friend.  It’s impossible to fully explain the unique and special person he was to me.  But he will always be one of the biggest positive influences in my life.  I’m grateful for that, because I know many people who didn’t have what I did.

And although that makes his absence harder, it also makes going on with life easier.  My heart is still broken for what I am missing, but I’m happy most of the time now.  I delight in my children, my family, my friends, and my life.  I know that’s at least partly because of the example he set.  His delight for life spilled into all he did, it was impossible to not “catch” some of it.  I hope that I will be able to pass that delight onto my children one day too.