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I’m so grateful that you’re considering joining me on the journey of connected parenting. This lifestyle has transformed our home to a warm, (mostly) peaceful haven of safety where we enjoy each other and want to be together.
Isn’t that what we all truly desire for our families?
My husband and I first embraced connected parenting after we adopted our daughter from China in 2011. The hodge podge of traditional parenting tools we had picked up while raising our two biological children did not work for our new daughter. In fact, it was the opposite. Those tools failed miserably and they created chaos in our home. I really didn’t like the mom I was with our new daughter, and I knew it was me who needed to make the changes, not my daughter.
After months of not knowing how to build a trusting relationship with her, I finally dusted off all of the connected parenting resources that I had scoffed at before she came home. I naively thought I didn’t need those tools because my husband and I knew what we were doing after raising two healthy, well-attached, well-adjusted, well-behaved children.
I was wrong.
I poured over the resources with fresh eyes and a yellow highlighter. Light bulbs began to go off like spot lights in the dead of night. I finally understood how connected parenting could change our lives.
My husband and I slowly started implementing the empowering, connecting, and correcting tools. It felt weird and counter-intuitive at first. But miraculously, it worked. As we mastered each new tool, we added more. And we slowly started to see change in our home and in our relationship with our daughter. It was so transformative that we started using the tools with our biological children, too.
Over time, connected parenting revolutionized the relationships with our children. We still get it wrong and make mistakes regularly, but this philosophy takes the burden off of us to be perfect parents. Because let’s face it … there are no perfect parents. Using the tools helps us repair our wrongs so we can focus on maintaining the connection with our children, which is absolutely paramount.
My husband and I are so passionate about connected parenting that we became Connected Parent Trainers in 2016. It has transformed the way we do relationships with our children (and with others!) and I know it can do the same for you, too.
It just works.
What is Connected Parenting?
Inspired from the Trust-Based Relational Intervention of Dr. Karyn Purvis’ work, this philosophy was intended to meet the needs of children with hard starts – those who have had Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). At it’s most fundamental core, connected parenting focuses on nurturing the relationship with our children so they can learn to trust, heal, and grow. By balancing nurture and structure, parents can guide their children to be all they can be. It has three main principles:
- Empowering Principles that are meant to meet the physical needs like safe touch, sensory processing, nutrition, hydration, sleep, and “felt safety”
- Connecting Principles that are meant to meet relational and emotional needs by nurturing the relationship between caregiver and child
- Correcting Principles to effectively handle behavior challenges in a way that provides balanced structure and nurture
Why would one want to parent this way?
Children come into our homes for a variety of reasons, having often experienced hard starts with loss and trauma . But most of the common approaches to parenting were not developed with our children in mind . In fact, the traditional techniques can further exacerbate the behaviors we often see in children with hard starts. Connected parenting helps our children heal, but also effectively responds to misbehavior .
Connected parenting also works incredibly well with all children. We believe that connected parenting is a perfect model for all relationships and can be adopted in every area of our lives.
What types of training do you offer?
We are available to lead in-person connected parent training and workshops for small groups, as well one-time speaking engagements in the northern-Maryland area. We are certified to teach the Empowered to Connect Prepare and Connect courses, and can also tailor a connected parent training or workshop to your audience’s specific needs. We consider it an honor to share this lifestyle and philosophy with other families. We know it’s not an easy journey, but being in community with others who are doing the same hard work is so comforting and validating. We look forward to doing life with you, too, as we walk this road together.
The Connect Course
This class is a 9-session course designed for couples who are already parenting adoptive or foster children, OR for couples who are currently waiting to adopt or foster and are already parenting biological children. The class meets weekly in a small group settings of 10-15 couples at a church for approximately 2 hours. At-home readings and exercises are included so that parents can get the most out of the courses. Fees to cover supplies and study materials are required. Both husband and wife are required to attend the sessions together.
A holistic understanding of children’s needs and development is emphasized, so that parents can learn tools to effectively meet needs, build trust, and help children heal and grow. The training is taught from a Christian perspective and focuses on a wide range of topics and issues relevant to adoptive and foster parents, including helping parents understand the impact of their child’s history, what they themselves bring to the parent-child relationship, the fundamentals of attachment, the impact of fear, and the importance of meeting their child’s sensory processing, nutritional and other physiological needs.
A weekly outline of sessions is as follows:
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- Week 1: Building a Foundation of Connection
- Week 2: Understanding What Your Child Brings to the Relationship
- Week 3: Examining What You Bring to the Relationship (Part 1)
- Week 4: Examining What You Bring to the Relationship (Part 2)
- Week 5: Discovering the Heart of Connection – Attachment
- Week 6: Focusing on the Needs of the Whole Child
- Week 7: Putting It All Together: Connecting While Correcting (Part 1)
- Week 8: Putting It All Together: Connecting While Correcting (Part 2)
- Week 9: Putting It All Together: Connecting While Correcting (Part 3)
Please contact me at Nicole@NaturallyWholistic.com to discuss your specific training, workshop, or speaking engagement requests. Our goal is to partner with all caregivers who can benefit from the connected strategies that have transformed our family so much. I look forward to partnering with you!
